"You've Changed!"

"You've changed, DeRemer." These words are often tossed around innocently by students but sometimes they are authentic and, in those time, painful. These words came flying at me yesterday from a 12th grader who I respect and love dearly in the middle of a crazy and disjointed Thursday. She and I have been through a lot together and I spent some time trying to dig into her comment and trying to salvage my connection to her. I justified my actions, I reminded her of past successes but what was will never be again with this student. The words stung and echoed in my mind but I after reflection I realized that those words validated the work I had been doing for all kids and more than anything I should be thankful that she had noticed such a substantial change in me.

Class	Start	Remaining # of Original Class	% Attrition
2017	115	52	55%
2018	44	31	30%
2019	63	53	16%
2020	68	?

Over the last three tumultuous years at school my adoration for her as dissipated and hers for me even though I am one of just a couple of teachers that has been around to watch her grow for all four years. This student (I'll call her Rose) was a 9th grader and she came to school with almost 120 other freshman just over three years ago. My team of teachers that year were young and relatively inexperienced but we gave everything we had to them and so did the leadership and the community. It was a beautiful relationship and one in which I never again believe will be recaptured. However, as school turnaround goes, teachers left and administrators were forced out sometimes by their own actions and sometimes as victims of the district climate. And as teachers and administrators left so did the students. Some of them opted into more stable situations, some of them moved away and some never again stepped into a high school. I looked through their pictures last night and it was like thumbing through some twisted yearbook in which kids did not succeed, did not participate and did not get what they needed to demonstrate their innate talents. Their names written in red to indicate that they either moved districts or, more than likely, are no longer attending school and would likely never walk across the stage like we had promised them during the first weeks of their freshman year.

Of the roughly 120 students that started 9th grade in the class of 2017 only 52 remain and only 44 are currently on track to graduate. This attrition rate of 55% in four years is the reason I changed because I have decided that if all of our students are going to succeed then all means all. This does not mean only 44 will graduate from the class of 2017 but it does mean that, from the original cohort, nearly two-thirds of students will not graduate with their original classmates.

Rose was a standout from day one. She had home issues and often made the same bad decisions that any 14 year old would as they navigated how to do life with limited adult support but I knew, as I know now, that she would be a star. When she told me that I had changed and that we would never have the same relationship as we did three years ago when we laughed, cried and learned together I was instantly hurt and then surprisingly content. Me changing was a clear message that I was different and for the kids at my school I had to be different and we had to be different. 

Since her class I have worked with every 9th grader who has entered the building and been on dynamic teams that have worked to engage and retain our most vulnerable students. The change that has occurred in me and the change that Rose pointed out so clearly was that of an intensity and seriousness directed towards systems, policies and practices that push out kids and my desire to build teams so strong and curriculum so dynamic that students have no desire to be somewhere else because no other school and no other team of teachers offer what we do. That is why I have changed and that is why Rose sees me so differently because the work no longer revolves around her it revolves around making sure that what happened to her class never happens again. 

Our conversation happened near her locker which was the only one full of books while the others remained empty seemingly waiting for the students who left three years ago to return which unfortunately will never happen. 

I am now responsible for the overall success of the class of 2020 for their attendance, retainment, engagement and culture. That is a tall task and one that often leaves me punch in the dark. However, over the last three years we have cut the attrition percentage from 55% to 16% but almost a third of the class of 2019 is off track to graduate. This can no longer happen and this is why I go to work with a sense of urgency that I did not have three years ago when Rose was a freshman. This is why I have changed and I am so thankful that Rose noticed.